I had a weird thought two nights ago.
My anxiety level peaked after a series of events. That uneasy, achy, ambiguous feeling that I know so well. I thought back to all the negativity it’s done to me and the people around me. I didn’t like this.
I wondered if I should put an end to this. Should we feel stress, anxiety, despair and sadness? Is it worth it? Would one argue that life is too short for this negativity and that one should only be happy? For a moment, I just wondered.
So I experimented. A tear fell and I told myself stop. Not this time, go to bed. The tears stopped. So did the anxiety. But my world turned grey and I felt empty and soulless. Just a body and nothing else. I hated it.
I learned two things. First, I am a feeler. It’s just who I am. And that makes my life vibrant and exhilarating. Second, we cannot selectively numb. Like @brenebrown says, if we numb pain and sadness, we also numb joy, happiness, and love. Life cannot be full of highs all the time. So I choose the challenges. The roller coaster rides. I choose to feel.
32 3554 days ago
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