I bought a pair of microspikes this year and they have been so useful. Adventuring out in the snow and ice has never been so easy. It's really useful when things freeze, melt and freeze again... which is what seems to be happening here in NY. The weather is wacky! I'm excited to keep adventuring this winter, but also looking forward to my summer adventures too 😍. Is there any outdoor gear that you really appreciate? Photo of me by @max_lau_photo (with my edits).
I remember when I was finishing chemo and had a few weeks to myself contemplating the road ahead before returning to the grind and routine working life.
I had this terror in the pit of my stomach. The terror had been there for so long that it felt status quo, like the way you feel when stress has been bearing on your shoulders for years. You don't feel yourself, but you can't identify why.
Cancer made me question everything about myself. The decisions made up to that point were uncertain. The sacrifices made in the twenties, relationships, jobs and educational goals. All came into question. What the hell was I doing? I certainly didn't feel more alive from those sacrifices.
The structure was there during and after my folks passed. I did what my father, his father and my brother did, I threw myself into my work and pushed until the stress became part of my being.
You don't realize how pervasive stress can be until you find a way to let it go. You think you're doing well; things look good on the books: you have your finances in order, pay your bills, go to work every day, I was even cashing out my vacation days. You want to talk about regrettable decisions, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to consider the experiences I cashed out for--who knows what I bought.
And I suppose that's the point. When you take a trip, it stays with you. Especially big trips, those have effects on our character in seemingly indistinguishable ways. A trip leaves fingerprints on our souls, and we return from the experience with a different outlook. I read somewhere that a significant percentage of breakups following a trip when one of the partners has gone. That perspective away alters you. I certainly wish I could give back the money I traded for all that time.
If there's one thing I'm grateful for in my cancer experience, and there are a few, at the crest is an understanding of the value of time. Every day I take a moment to be grateful. To feel the satisfaction in the moment for being alive, not who I should be or wish I could be, but to see myself and all my qualities and be completely, earnestly, grateful just to be here.
25 3142 days ago
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